For a while now I have been a little anxious about the idea
that I will become “a little old lady”, eventually. I
lacked a clear vision of my role in my own life going forward into the
future.
I bought a shawl, because I liked it and it called to
me. A friend (who is a generation older
than I) said it looked like a hug from a grandmother. I agreed, but my mind responded, “and that
would be me.”
I began to think about the image that I hold of the “little
old lady,” the grandmother. Not my
grandmothers, nor my own mother but, the archetype, the Goddess as Grandmother.
I was surprised to discover that the image I hold is one
that I find beautiful. Yes, she is soft
and round, yes, she is gray and pale, yes, she is not as strong or limber as a
young woman but, she is also resilient, and steadfast. She is comforting and loving and fierce.
She knows herself, and how to hold space for those she
loves. She has wisdom born from personal
experience and can offer sound guidance and support. She knows how to listen and how to teach
others to stand in their own power. And
she knows how to stand in hers.
She is not overtly sexual in the way that our society
thinks of the sexual woman but, she has sexual power that arises from her
understanding of her own desires and her lack of shame in enjoying the sensual,
physical pleasure that she can offer to her lovers. I had worried a little that my lovers might
no longer feel sexual desire for me when I indeed become this “grandmother”
but, I find this image to be intriguing and mysterious, and yes, desirable. If I find this image desirable, I trust that they will as well. the need for love is not exclusive to the young. The gifts of love, sex, pleasure and healing are not only to be found in the young either.
So this shawl holds the vision, of the woman I am becoming,
the woman I look forward to becoming, the woman I already am. And I wrap it around myself when I need a hug
from the Grandmother, or to embrace this vision of my future. And I find it very comforting.
Blessed Be.