For a while now I have been a little anxious about the idea that I will become “a little old lady”, eventually. I lacked a clear vision of my role in my own life going forward into the future.
I bought a shawl, because I liked it and it called to me. A friend (who is a generation older than I) said it looked like a hug from a grandmother. I agreed, but my mind responded, “and that would be me.”
I began to think about the image that I hold of the “little old lady,” the grandmother. Not my grandmothers, nor my own mother but, the archetype, the Goddess as Grandmother.
I was surprised to discover that the image I hold is one that I find beautiful. Yes, she is soft and round, yes, she is gray and pale, yes, she is not as strong or limber as a young woman but, she is also resilient, and steadfast. She is comforting and loving and fierce.
She knows herself, and how to hold space for those she loves. She has wisdom born from personal experience and can offer sound guidance and support. She knows how to listen and how to teach others to stand in their own power. And she knows how to stand in hers.
She is not overtly sexual in the way that our society thinks of the sexual woman but, she has sexual power that arises from her understanding of her own desires and her lack of shame in enjoying the sensual, physical pleasure that she can offer to her lovers. I had worried a little that my lovers might no longer feel sexual desire for me when I indeed become this “grandmother” but, I find this image to be intriguing and mysterious, and yes, desirable. If I find this image desirable, I trust that they will as well. the need for love is not exclusive to the young. The gifts of love, sex, pleasure and healing are not only to be found in the young either.
So this shawl holds the vision, of the woman I am becoming, the woman I look forward to becoming, the woman I already am. And I wrap it around myself when I need a hug from the Grandmother, or to embrace this vision of my future. And I find it very comforting.