Thursday, March 16, 2017

a gift received in the Temple of Love...


“We are Beauty and we are Darkness…
We are Light and we are Change”   T Thorne Coyle


I am Inspiration in the form of a Dragon!
I am a Dragon in the form of a Woman…
I am a Woman in the form of a Shaman…
I am a Shaman in the form of a Witch...
I am a Witch in the form of a Priestess…
I am a Priestess in the form of a Goddess…
I am a Goddess in the form of a Dragon…
I am Beautiful in All my Forms!


“In the Temple of Love,
I sing from the Water that Flows through my Heart,
…Longing and Belonging…”  Baltimore Reclaiming Ritual, Sacred Space, March 11th, 2017

Heart Wide Open…


Part of knowing yourself is understanding your anatomy and physiology.  That is to say, knowing our Parts and understanding how they function.  While it helps to have a basic understanding of our physical bodies, understanding our energetic anatomy and physiology is equally important.  We are not just physical bodies, we are also minds, hearts, souls, and shadows.

I have been learning about all my parts (including my body) for quite a while now, and I have become acutely aware of a particular truth about how my Magickal Self functions. Specifically, I have become aware that when my heart is not open, my magick is impotent.  I still have knowledge, and I even retain access to communication, my mind still works but, I have no access to my power.  I cannot FEEL.  I cannot feel inspiration, or imagination, or desire, or passion, or pleasure, or joy, or sorrow, or anger, or love, or power.  When the gate of my heart is closed, I am not fully awake, or alive. 

My Heart is the gateway to those other parts of me, the ones that are essential to life and to magick.  All my parts must be engaged for me to live and to fulfill my purpose.  I cannot bypass my heart.  In these past few years, I have come to know how wonderful life can be when my heart is open.  It is WHO I am.  I am supposed to be a woman who lives life with her heart wide open.  That is who I was always supposed to be.  I have rediscovered that woman and remembered her over these past years.  It is my intention to live that life, inspired, empowered, and following my open heart.  So Mote it Be.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Exploring Masculine Gender...


I am a woman, a queer woman but, a woman nonetheless.  Yet there are parts of me that are masculine in nature, that express the Divine Masculine within me.  The Teacher, the Healer and, the Poet to name a few.  I worship the Masculine God with as much devotion as I do the Feminine Goddess.  I find myself more strongly connected to my male ancestors and to my father’s bloodline but, I will never be a man in this lifetime.  

I study theories on male identity and psychology to better understand and relate to, to better serve, and love the men in my life.  I have a father, brothers (one passed on and one living) a son, a nephew, friends, lovers, housemates, coven-mates, tradition-mates, teachers, priests and elders.  I may someday have grandsons.  I want to support them and understand them as much as I am capable of. 

When I was a child, I hated wearing my brother’s hand-me-downs.  I hated having short hair.  But as a grown woman, I have become curious about just how it might feel to experience the world as someone of the male gender.   How does it feel to walk about in the world as a man?  How does it differ from the power I have as a woman?  How does the world treat a man differently from the way it treats me? 

I am considering an experiment, and a few of the men in my life, including a lover, are supportive of the idea.  I am going to find men’s clothing that fits and suits me, and we are going to go out into the world together, so that I can find out how it feels.  I find myself surprisingly excited to have this experience.  And deeply grateful for these precious companions and their unreserved support.

I will let you know how it goes. 
Adventures are good, new experiences are good, gaining better understanding of the men in my life is good, learning more about myself and the world is good too.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Tattoos to Honor the Self

The people in my mundane community are mostly conservative, lower middle-class, blue-collar, rural, with High School educations.  They struggle.  They look like me and, when they see me, they assume that I share their world view.  The Witches in this area mostly exercise discretion, as does the LGTBQ community, the Leather and Kink and Poly communities, and even the Socially and Politically Liberal community. 

Some days it is a challenge to be at work where my customers and co-workers feel free to speak about their politics.  I am honest with my employers and co-workers about my religion and my identity as a Queer, Poly person (although my kink tendencies are something I keep private in this situation) I also do not believe that a bank is an appropriate place to give voice to religious, social, or political ideas. At times, I become very annoyed, and irritated by the ignorance and delusions I hear, it wears on a person. 

But I cannot see them as my enemies.  They are human beings struggling to get by.  They are sleep-walkers suffering from soul-sickness, as so many in our society are.  They deserve my pity, not my hatred.  I need to remind myself of this truth often these days. 

And every now and then, I need to do something to remind myself of who I truly am.  The past few days I received 3 new tattoos.  One to honor my Brothers, both my younger brother, whom we lost this past summer, and my older brother whom I love and cherish.  The other two honor Spirit Allies, Bear and Wolf.   There will be more in the future.  It helps me, to look less like my neighbors, and to see the ink upon my skin, to remember who I am, and what I truly believe. 

Those who are asleep, ignorant, delusional, and blind, those who are arrogant, power hungry and manipulative, those who speak untruths with impunity, those who would do harm, may not be my Enemies but, they are not my Community, my Family, or my Tribe. 

I can do many things to positively affect the future.  There are many ways that I can be open and use my voice to speak Truth and to support others as they too speak and resist and fight the good fight.  I believe in peaceful resistance, in Magick and in Prayer.  I believe in the Truth against the World, Heart to Heart, Shout above the Shouting, until there is Peace.

I have spent a great deal of time considering how I might contribute to the work of making things better.  I believe that being more open in my mundane community and actively serving the Earth, and the humans I share this Earth with, is a good place to start.  Praying and doing Magick to heal, awaken, and re-enchant the world are actions that I can commit to.

Encouraging others to resist, letting them know that they are not alone, and supporting them in that work are also actions that I can sustain.  Letting my elected representatives know how I expect them to represent me and my issues is also my duty as a citizen. 

I will remember who I am, and I will remember my purpose, and I will do those things that I can do to make things better.  So Mote It Be!

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Love, Loss, Disapproval, and Reclaiming Self

Seventeen days ago, my younger brother died suddenly and unexpectedly.  The thing is that while I loved him, he disapproved of almost everything about me. (and what he did not know about me, he would have disapproved of even more) I have spent a good part of my life trying to be someone he would like.  Most of my people-pleasing behaviors were an attempt to be who he wanted me to be, and a lot of my anxiety, and belief that I was not “good enough“, was based upon his disapproval.

Spending the better part of the week after his death with my family brought on a resurgence of those feelings, and those patterns of behavior reasserted themselves with a vengeance.  It has been a challenge to let go of those behaviors, to recognize those feelings and release those anxieties.   My grief has also been accompanied by the conflict that existed between us and my feelings about that conflict.

The loss of my younger brother has caused me to reexamine my relationships with the other members of my family who remain, and my presence in the world.  I have also been challenged to remember all of the work I have done in these past years to discover my true Self, but most of all, to remember that Self. 


All of that work means nothing if I cannot remember my true Self in this grief.  It is not perfection that must be achieved but, integrity.  I am a strong, loving, capable woman who serves my beloveds well.   I am a woman who has a noble purpose that I serve with honor, courage and integrity.  And while my brother was a good man, whom I loved, he was wrong about my value and my worth. 

 Loving my family, does not require that I agree with them.  I will grieve him and love them even as I remember my true Self.  So Mote It Be.

Monday, July 4, 2016

A Fire Breathing Dragon and a Sword of Truth

I have been doing a great deal of work recently in identifying who and what I am outside of a sexual, romantic, or familial context.  Specifically, I have been exploring how my identity relates to my religious calling of service and my work in the world.

I am a writer.  But what do I hope to accomplish by my writing?  What do I value above everything else?  What we value can help us define who we are and help us to focus on our purpose, and how we hope to leave our mark upon this world. 

The way that I identify what is important to me is by examining that which moves me, what my heart reacts to most strongly.  In many ways these are things that have an impact upon those whom I love.  What kind of world do I want for my children, for my grand-daughter, and those who will follow her?

My heart cries out for Peace, I want Peace for the world that she will inherit.  Peace is better for growing things and small children, and for the rest of us, truth be told.   But peace without Liberty to be true to one’s ’self is not truly Peace, but rather oppression.  So Liberty and Peace.  I want her to be free to be all of who she is.  I want Love for her too, and the freedom to express her love in whatever way is true for her. 

So what do we do to create the world we want for our children and grand-children? What do I do to create a world where all our children will be safe and free to love whom they will, to be whomever they will?  How do we create Peace?

I believe the world is able to heal, I believe that Love and Peace and Liberty are possible.  But I believe that this can only happen if we work for these things.  I do so by telling stories that share visions of other people’s experience, that make it possible for us to see through each others’ eyes and thereby find compassion and understanding.  We heal the world through stories, through Love and Peace and compassion.   

We also heal the world through magick, by Re-enchanting the World.   The World needs more Magick and Enchantment.  I contribute to this by leading and serving my Coven, by serving my Tradition and my community.  I help by supporting others in finding healing and transformation, to find their own power and wisdom.  I do this by invoking my Gods to keep them alive in this world.  I do this through poetry and ritual and serving my ancestors.


But most of all, I do this by speaking Truth, whenever I see it, heart to heart, shouting above the shouting, Truth against the World, until there is Peace and Liberty and Love.  I am a champion of Hope, a warrior of Peace and Liberty.  I am a dragon, breathing the fire of Truth, and a Sword upon whom the words are written, the Truth against the World.  Truth can heal us, Truth can bring Peace.  So Mote It Be.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Queer

I have learned a lot about myself in the time since I began this exploration.  I began not knowing anything about where this journey would lead me.  The journey has had more than one unexpected turn and many uncomfortable and uneasy moments.  But I have indeed found a place where I know who I am and I am comfortable with all of who I am.

I have also discovered one word that feels right to describe my gender, sexuality and relationships.  Queer is not a word that the world at large would associate with me but, from my perspective, it is the one word that feels correct.

I am a cis-gendered female however; I do not feel that accurately describes my experience of gender.  Through this journey I have come to recognize that I have moments in my life when I prefer to express  female gender and times when I prefer to express male gender but, I no longer feel that binary definitions accurately express the truth of who I am. 

I am not truly hetero-normative in my sexuality either.  I have found that I am sexually drawn to people regardless of gender. My attraction is dependent upon the person and has no recognizable connection to any gender, or to defined gender.

I am polyamorous but in a structure that is not easily recognized.  I do not have primary or secondary relationships.  I do have committed relationships.  I love who I love, and I am committed to those whom I love.   I am loyal to those whom I love.  Each of my relationships is unique, as are each of my beloveds.  Gender, age, sexual identity, and sexual expression do not determine whom I love.

In my sexual expression, I am a switch.  I enjoy different experiences, many of which are seemingly contradictory, sometimes with the same partner.  I do not desire to be constrained by one role, or someone else’s narrow definition of any one form of expression.


Queer is a word that defies definition.  It is the one word that simply says “cannot be defined or constrained by definition.”   I like the word.  I claim the word.  It feels true, and more comfortable that any other.   I am queer and I am happy.