I have always believed myself to be an emotionally independent person, even to the point of being emotionally unavailable at times…but that may not be as accurate as it once was.
I have,at times in the past, been unavailable, even closed off to emotional intimacy and connection to others. But I have been learning to change that in these past years.
I have been learning to trust myself and others; I have been healing and learning to connect, and to feel again. And I have come to the understanding that I am a very strong person, with a very strong heart. I do not need to be closed off; I do not need to protect myself or to avoid engaging in emotional connections.
The human heart is an amazing and resilient vessel. It has an immense capacity for love. And it is designed to survive repeated heartache (it does not actually break no matter how profound the pain it experiences). I believe that it expands and its capacity increases each time it survives pain and does not close off or turn to stone.
I have recently come to see that I have formed connections with others in my life and that those connections have an effect upon me. When my beloveds are under stress, I am effected. I am relieved to have discovered this, truth be told.
I have also discovered that I am able to discern the differences between my own feelings and those of my beloveds and I am capable of supporting them in their struggles without interfering with the expansion of their hearts.
I sometimes worry that I may have become emotionally dependent upon my beloveds or that I might foster emotional dependence in those whom I love because, my instincts are to protect my beloved ones from pain, and to wish that I could heal their wounds. I believe that would be a disservice to them, if it were even possible.
I want my beloveds to be whole, and well and strong. I want them to be self-reliant and not to be dependent upon me or upon anyone else And I want them to know the blessing of an ever-expanding capacity for love and joy, and the knowledge that they are strong enough to survive heartache and to thrive, and to heal themselves.
This is something that I need to pay attention to, to remain conscious of, because my instinct to protect those I love must sometimes be overridden by my belief, and I want my beloveds to know that, beyond a doubt, I have faith in them and I trust them to survive the pain they feel. I know they are strong enough to rise up in brilliance above all that they may face.
It is not difficult to trust in the strength of my beloveds, but sometimes it is difficult to remember that my love is meant to show them how to trust themselves.
May my Gods, my Ancestors and my Allies guide me in this and in remembering my own strength. May They continue to help me to increase my own capacity to love…and to be loved. So mote it be.