I have been exploring and experimenting lately. I have been meeting new people and discussing the nature of desire, and I realized that one of the skills that I need to develop further is the ability to hold strong boundaries. To see clearly what I desire and to distinguish that from what others may desire.
It is not only a need to communicate those desires, or to negotiate what I am willing to try, but to hold clarity about myself, and to respect my boundaries.
I have spent most of my life, until recently, complying with the wishes of others. “People-pleasing” is a habit. I caught myself asking whether or not I could meet another’s desire, and deciding that, I could indeed accommodate their wishes.
I realized in that moment that, I was asking the wrong questions. I need to be asking myself, “What do I want?” and "Is this person’s desire compatible with my own?”
I can no longer afford to compromise what I want, or my need for autonomy and independence, to fit someone else’s dream. This journey must be about my dreams.
In a conversation with someone who was trying to pick me up, and who I had no desire to accommodate, I heard a gem of wisdom. “It's not about surrendering to another person but, to your own body’s experience. It’s about your own energy being released, and about your own power to choose.”
In an experiment with a cherished and trusted friend, I discovered that it is indeed about surrendering to my own body, allowing my own energy to flow freely, and it is about my power.
Choosing to submit to another, in that moment, and only for that moment, is a choice to express my own power and, in doing so, to remember that power.
The choice is mine and the power is mine. I must be diligent to choose consciously, not through habitual pattern. And I must be diligent not to sacrifice my strength but, to choose my own desires.