Monday, August 25, 2014

the crash...

I have been high on you for days now…

When you left
I breathed you in as deeply as I could
an opium addict breathing in the sacred flower
collecting your scent like a bee collecting pollen
wanting to climb inside your skin
and go with you
a contagion in your blood
a chrysalis lodged within your brain

your goodbye reminded me
of where the bruises will show
a few days from now.

And with a smile that said
“I’m sorry, You deserve more than I can give you…”
Your pity robbed me of my strength.

and all of the joy
that you could have left behind,
you took with you


the grip of your hand is gone
but my throat is tight
and my chest

a black and twisted vine
 has grown from my womb
 three feet in the hours since you left
wrapping around my heart
around my throat
each breath, each beat   
struggle against desire

The bruises are tender now,
the ones that are visible 
and the ones just under the surface
that I can feel but not yet see. 
and the ones that will never show on my skin

I am unsure,  
of all but the tears I can no longer turn to ice
my heart is too warm now
thawed by the heat within me
by the fire that has awakened
by flames I cannot, will not live without 

I wish you had left me
in that oblivion
where my words and my names are not
and smiles do not leave bruises.