Identity or Who Am I?

Painting by Susan Seddon Boulet

In most situations, I have a pretty strong idea of “Who” I am.  Most of the time, the person(a?) I experience or express is related to who I am with, what my relationship is to them, what role or responsibility I have to them.  

Am I sacrificing the truth of who I am?  No. 

At work I am a banker, a helper, a supervisor.  With my family I am daughter, sister, mother/aunt, nana. With my Coven I am sister, mother, daughter, priestess, witch.  In each of these roles, I have responsibilities.  

Sometimes I lean on my loved ones, sometimes I need to put their needs first and support them.  I will not put my desires before my beloveds well-being. Priorities are important and will determine what role I allow myself to take, or need to take in any given situation.  Honor is a very important part of who I am and who I desire to be.

I have been talking to a young man recently who is beloved to me and to whom I have some responsibility.  He is someone I trust and he has been very supportive as I explore (intellectually at least) some of the more uncomfortable parts of who I might be.  I have asked him to be a safety net for me if I choose to step out and explore in the real world and he has agreed.  That I can do.  I can ask him to have my back.  It does not put our relationship or my responsibility to him at risk.   

My own exploration is important to me and I will continue to push forward to discover what may lie beneath the surface but, I will not sacrifice those parts of my identity that I value most highly.  I choose not to.  Being a person who loves with  honor and strength and wisdom is just as important as personal discovery.

I have desires to explore and to discover and I will not sacrifice them on the altars of fear or shame but, to be someone who cares for the well-being of those I love, is the person I desire to be.