|Painting by Susan Seddon Boulet|
In most situations, I have a pretty strong idea of “Who” I am. Most of the time, the person(a?) I experience or express is related to who I am with, what my relationship is to them, what role or responsibility I have to them.
Am I sacrificing the truth of who I am? No.
At work I am a banker, a helper, a supervisor. With my family I am daughter, sister, mother/aunt, nana. With my Coven I am sister, mother, daughter, priestess, witch. In each of these roles, I have responsibilities.
Sometimes I lean on my loved ones, sometimes I need to put their needs first and support them. I will not put my desires before my beloveds well-being. Priorities are important and will determine what role I allow myself to take, or need to take in any given situation. Honor is a very important part of who I am and who I desire to be.
I have been talking to a young man recently who is beloved to me and to whom I have some responsibility. He is someone I trust and he has been very supportive as I explore (intellectually at least) some of the more uncomfortable parts of who I might be. I have asked him to be a safety net for me if I choose to step out and explore in the real world and he has agreed. That I can do. I can ask him to have my back. It does not put our relationship or my responsibility to him at risk.
My own exploration is important to me and I will continue to push forward to discover what may lie beneath the surface but, I will not sacrifice those parts of my identity that I value most highly. I choose not to. Being a person who loves with honor and strength and wisdom is just as important as personal discovery.
I have desires to explore and to discover and I will not sacrifice them on the altars of fear or shame but, to be someone who cares for the well-being of those I love, is the person I desire to be.