At first, the title of this post was going to be “the problem with feminism”. But I am a feminist and that is not truly the problem. The problem is that other feminists believe that they get to define “feminist” for me, and that somehow I should be ashamed because I do not conform to the definitions others hold.
I could not care less about the opinions of anti-feminists. Of people who hold beliefs that are directly opposed to my own. I came to terms with that when I left the spiritual community in which I had lived in the years I refer to as “wandering the wasteland”.
But the expectations of others whom I would consider to be allies, culturally and spiritually, the opinions or expectations of my “sisters” I struggle with, and against, because who I am does not conform to what is expected of me.
I am a girl. Yes, even as a forty-eight year old woman. I like dresses and flowers and perfume and lipstick. I like beautiful things. I like feeling beautiful. I enjoy being desired. I am a romantic and a mother and I enjoy being so. I have never objected to dolls or the princesses from my childhood storybooks.
I do not want to be limited by someone else’s idea of who I should be. I am strong; I don’t need to prove it. It has never been in question in my mind. I am brave; I don’t have to shout it. I am strongest and bravest when I am so for the sake of those I love. I have never seen serving others as oppression. It is one of the most fulfilling purposes of my life.
I enjoy caring for others. I take great pleasure in meeting someone else's needs. I take great satisfaction in loving others. It gives me great joy to make others happy. Loving someone, without censorship, without restraint, without reservation, is a gift I hope to someday be granted.
I like being in the woods and not needing to be coddled but, I am a hedonist in many ways and I do not wish to apologize for the desires of my heart. They do not make me weak or less of a woman. I will not conform to the opinions or expectations of those whose agenda is opposed to my own but; neither will I be shamed by the expectations of my allies.
I am woman enough just as I am. Take it or leave it but, you will not change it. I will not conform to please another but, I may choose to please another and that is my choice. No one gets to take that choice from me.