Sometimes I feel mean. Sometimes I feel hateful. Sometimes, when my heart hurts, I feel angry and I want to lash out. I want to say things that I know will hurt someone. I want to hit someone with more than my fists. I want to destroy someone else, psychologically, emotionally, physically.
Sometimes I feel this way when I am around people whose behavior or words make me angry, even though they have done nothing to hurt me. I don’t really understand why, and I do not allow my words or actions to express these feelings towards these people.
I do not like feeling mean. I do not indulge this feeling. My ethics and my will refuse to allow this feeling to manifest as behavior. But I feel it none the less.
It bothers me that I feel this way sometimes. It bothers me even more that I do not always understand why. I believe that intent matters as much as feelings. I believe that my will and my choices protect me and others from these feelings.
But I wish I could understand where they come from and maybe even find a way to purge them from my heart, my mind, and my soul.